The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
