You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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