mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
