On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
