im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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