After last night, I could never be a politician.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
