why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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