I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
