Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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