I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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