god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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