dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
