Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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