yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
