I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
