He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
