The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
