the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
did i just pee glitter
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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