he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
