I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
