just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
