Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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