you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
