This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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