I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
