I'm drive I can fine osifer
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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