Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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