bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
