I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
