You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
