The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
