Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
