It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
