You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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