My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i think i have two assholes
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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