Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
