I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
