i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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