i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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