dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
