If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
