I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
