She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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