The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
