you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
