bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
