so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
