Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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