If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
