Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
