allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize