I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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