i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
