I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
