I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I lost the right to judge tonight
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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