ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.