That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying