why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes