So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
