6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
