im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dicks are not precious.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
