So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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