Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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