My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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