PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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