My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
