I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
two words...techno handjob
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
