This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
