As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
