where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it glows. i had to have it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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