She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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