my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
