Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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