you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How external is "for external use only"?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
