cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
