Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
