Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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