my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
