Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
