Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
