omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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