There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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