u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
